Well I've been in AZ for a week now. It's been pretty intense and I can say I have experienced a full range of emotions. I have to apologize for not writing and I promise to do better. Work is great and I'm glad to be doing what I enjoy. I've come in at the end of a major project so things have been crazy and I've been working 10 to 12 hour days. On top I have a 4 mile walk each way. I'm not complaining, just trying to create a picture. The walks are beautiful walking through palm trees and orange trees and watching the AZ sunrise. My wife says that the reason I'm feeling so drained is because my body is not used to all the activity. She's probably right. I miss her and my family immensely. I don't know how the soldiers and those that spend long amounts of time away do it. Money has been really tight but I know that will come around.

Also want to take this opportunity to thank those who have visited my site and posted comments. I especially want to thank Titania. Her insight and support have been tremendouse to me an dmy family and we truly appreciate it. She is truly an angel on earth. Thank you

Blessings

Family Time

Good Afternoon;

I"m in AZ over my wife's cousins house. They were really nice and offered to put me up until I get our rental house. I really appreciate their generosity but feel extremely awkward. Given the alternative, I'll deal with the awkwardness. :o)

Anyway the trip was great, cause I tool a 6:25 AM flight. There was no one on the plane and it was wonderful. My beautiful wife took two days off so we could be together before I went. She's a saint and I am blessed to have her as my wife.

I'm working from my daughters laptop which I have kidnapped until I meet with them again. It tends to shut off anf the "t" and "u" key are missing. So my entries are going to be limited for awhile.

Keep ya posted

Blessings

3 days and counting

I drove my wife to work this morning at 5 AM. It's nice when I drive her and pick her up. It's one of the few times we actually spend alone time together and we really treasure it. We both agreed that this will be the practice until I fly out to AZ. It's finally sinking in and I'm feeling better and more positive about it. The day of the call I was so overwhelmed I though I was going to be sick. It's really amazing that after struggling for so long that this occurred. It taught me a valuable lesson about staying positive and letting go of worry (The Secret). I can't say enough about this because it really works!!!!


Now our concentration is changing to getting our house sold and getting the whole gang down to AZ. In fact my weekend so far has been spent cleaning and boxing items we don't need. It's amazing how much stuff you store away that you never really use. I'm reminded of that comedian who has an act about getting allot of "stuff". I always liked that skit and it's so true. I'm giving things away just to get rid of it.

It's Snowing !! and Good News

Good morning; Well we got 3 inches of snow last night. The first significant snow in northeast PA. Given the news I'm hearing this morning about how much Texas got (10 inches)I feel we're not that bad. The roads were so bad that I had to take my wife to work this morning. I really don't mind because it gives us time alone which is really nice. Needless to say I took my time. :o)


I also have good news. I was called yesterday and made an offer from the job interview I went to last week. I was so excited I was overwhelmed, which is rare for me. My whole gang was happy and celebrating yesterday evening. I think it will take awhile for it to sink in but I'm starting to feel comfortable with it. I fly down to Arizona on Wed and start work on Thursday. Fortunately my wifes cousin already lives there and he's offered to put me up until I find a house. I'm very happy and would like to also thank everyone for all of the support they have given me throughout my challenging experience these last three months.

A Lesson

A little while ago I had written about children and the lessons I continue to learn from them. Especially my gang. My youngest person, Shelly, has been having bad dreams as of late. My wife and I listen to her and give her advice but she's becoming fairly distressed over them. We spoke with her today and I finally got a piece of what is troubling her. She told us she was afraid of dying. I can recall going through a similar experience when I was young. We tried to comfort her and give her ideas about what to try but they aren't working for her and she's getting frustrated. I told her that she has to be patient and let things work them out. She gave me that "yea right" look that I'm sure we have all seen from smart alicky kids. My children have a trait of mine in which they are very stubborn. She's made up her mind that this isn't going to be resolved and she's cursed.

Sitting back and thinking about how to help my daughter made me realize something. How many times have I been in a situation where someone has told me "you just have to be patient" and I've thought to myself "yea right"? Caught up in my situation and emotions definitely affected my thinking. Usually, in time, the person was right, I just needed to be patient. It's funny how sometimes we see the solution so easily when someone else is going through an issue but when we experience an issue we are in a fog as to the direction. I'm hoping that from this lesson my daughter has taught me, That I will be able to be meet my future challenges.

My wife and I will continue to work with our daughter to help her discover and learn from her world. I'm sure in time she will work through this and be better for it.

Blessings

Bad Dream and The Call

Good Morning;

Yesterday was a really cold and dreary day in NE PA. For some reason I was feeling really anxious during the day and couldn't get myself grounded. I finally went for a walk in the really cold mist and it did the trick.

I had a dream last night that really bothered me; I was in Germany circa WWII except it didn't feel like the 1940's it felt like it was current times. It's funny because the dream takes place at night. Anyway I'm captured by government forces and they are torturing me to convert to their ideology. At the end I am in this coffin size chamber that's full of ashes. in the chamber there are speakers and they keep repeating "feel the hate". I woke up and laid in bed thinking about this for awhile. I don't have anything fr this as of yet but when I figure something out, I'll post it.

On the other side of things, I was checking my e-mail this morning and I got one from the gentleman who interviewed me. In it he advised me that he checked my references and he's informing the recruiting department to make me and offer. My wife is really excited and I guess in time I will be also. I think right now I can best express myself as relieved and happy. I don't know why but I have always been a person of delayed reaction. Whether it be tragedy or happiness, when the moment occurs my focus is always on getting what needs to be done completed and later on I catch up to the moment. But I am excited and can't wait to begin our new life.

I found this in a care2 group. I really enjoyed it so I decided to share it. Thanks to Jenny P for posting it.

Cherokee Wisdom: Two Wolves

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a
battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son,
the battle is between two 'wolves' inside us all.

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret,
greed, arrogance, self-pity, resentment
inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope,
serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence,
empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute
and then asked his grandfather,
"Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied..... .
.....The One you feed

Rainy Saturday

It's a rainy day here in northeastern PA; The Realtor is having an open house this afternoon to show our home to prospective buyers. We ask if she wanted help and she informed us that it would be better if we weren't around. No problem for us. The kids got free movie tickets soooooo "We're going to the movies!!!" Besides that we've been running around like crazy this morning trying to get our home as clean and presentable as possible.

Blessings

Back Home Again

I'm Back from AZ;just got back yesterday evening. I wasn't able to post from the hotel because of all the problems I was having with my laptop. My time in Arizona was nice but also intense and tiring. The fact that my wife and kids weren't there made it that much less fun. But I have to say it is beautiful out there. I went on my morning run and felt like I was home again. It was funny as I was running I kept seeing all of these orange and lemon trees along the road. I was sooooo tempted to go and pick one of them.



Anyway, my interview went well and they said i would hear from them soon. It was pretty intense and it started off sort of strange because I got lost and ended up being 20 minutes late (ouch!!!). One of the reasons I think it went well is because they asked me what my salary requirements were. They never ask that if they're not interested in you. As usual after I told them I realized I went too low, I have a tendency to do that. But I can fix that when the time comes. I hit it off really well with the director and I actually enjoyed our conversation. It was as if I bumped into an old friend.




I also met with a Realtor and he and I went around looking for possible houses to rent once we move out there. My wife had spoken with him on the phone prior to me going out there but this was the first time he and I met. He was a good person and we hit it off really well. Again another situation where I felt like we were old friends. He actually showed me his house (which he is renting). After we saw all the houses we went to his house and I fixed his computer while we talked. I think his house is the one we're going to rent.

Lastly I met and old friend who I worked with at my old job. He's older than me (believe it or not) and he moves between AZ and New York. I discovered they call them snowbirds in Arizona but he claims he's not. It was fun seeing him again and he took me out for dinner and we had a great time. We started to make plans about what we would do when I moved out there. It was allot of fun.

That was my last three days in short. It was a powerful experience and also very tiring. I am convinced that we'll be out there in fairly short order. I'll keep ya posted.

Ghost Dream

I liked this dream; I just have to sit back and see what meaning I can get from it. Here goes;

I'm a person working in an office building and I have the ability to see ghosts. I'm speaking with a woman (who isn't a ghost) about problems she's having with someone whom I suspect is a ghost. We decide to work together to try and find this person.

The dream switches time to morning the next day and we're getting off the elevator to start our work day. As I speak with the woman walking off the elevator we discover the ghost lady she informed me about. At first the ghost lady is very unhappy about her being discovered. I am speaking with the ghost lady, I discover that I could hear all of the other ghosts working in the building. "That's right!' She commented, "We're all over the place!" I became very happy at my newly discovered ability. I hugged the ghost I was talking to gave her a kiss and said Merry Christmas! I proceeded to locate all the ghost within the group of people going to work. once i found them I hugged and kiss them and said Merry Christmas. One particular thing I thought was funny was that I found a man ghost and I paused for a minute. Then I said to myself what the heck and hugged and kissed him and said Merry Christmas. end of dream.

Like I said... strange. One thing I am discovery about my dreams, especially the ones that don't seem to make any sense, is that usually happen before an event that reveals it's meaning. I'll give you an example; Awhile back I had a dream about a ladder that looked like DNA. In my dream we were trying to change the ladder. I didn't think much of it and stored it away in my memory. Recently I started coming across articles that explains our DNA and the theories about how our DNA changes as we evolve not just physically but spiritually. In one of the articles the suggestion was made that we can change the DNA structure during our present lives. As soon as I read the articles I made the connection.

lessons

Good Morning... We have a steady rain in Northeast PA but I hear it's suppose to clear up and get into the high 60's. This years weather so far definitely makes me think about global warming.

My daughter came back from her first day of school yesterday with a big smile. We talked for awhile and she told me how her day went. It went really well and I was proud of her. She was pretty nervous throughout the day. So much so that when she got her new locker she locked the combination in it. She told me she felt like crying but she didn't and went to the teacher for help. I'm happy with the fact that she allowed herself to make a mistake and went and asked for help. Her regression therapy is this Tuesday and unfortunately I will not be able to make it but my wife is going with her. I'll keep everyone updated.



It was a good day yesterday. I told my wife about the job interview and she also spoke to Nicole about her day so we had allot to smile about and be grateful for. We spoke with our Realtor concerning our home (up above) and we're waiting on a couple of folks. By the way I don't know if you can see it but by the side of my house is one of my joys. My bike. For me it's meditation on two wheels. Anyway we also looked at houses in phoenix and I'm scheduled to look at a couple while I'm there for the interview.

I had a situation yesterday where I realized something about myself. Over the past year I have learned allot and, I think, become a more grounded and spiritual person. I got into a discussion with a person yesterday where I felt the need to be right. I noticed it during the conversation but continued. It was a good conversation and I learned allot from it. Most importantly I realized that even though I have been looking within and have established a foundation for myself, I still have to go out to the world and live life. I'm thinking that for me that is the way I need to go in order to keep growing.



Blessings

Going Mobile Again

Well my feelings on the 2nd interview were right. The company just called and they want me to fly out to AZ for and interview next week. I have to be honest, I'm really excited and I need to calm down and bring myself back to earth. I keep reminding myself not to worry and to think positive so I can be ready and do well with the experience.



On the other front I watch Nicole get on the bus this morning. I gave her a huge hug and kiss and reminded her to stay positive. As I watched her get on the bus again I had to stop myself from worrying and being too nervous. I have to stay positive for her so she can learn, be successful and move forward. It's amazing to me that I can see that she has so much to offer the world and how it has temporarily been stumped by this experience.

Grandma Dream

Good Morning. I've noticed my dreams lately have been a sort of cleaning house. Allot of issues from my passed that either I have repressed or haven't dealt with in the most efficient manner. Last night I had a rather short dream but I know it's significant because I remember it. I was back in Brooklyn in my grandmothers neighborhood. It continued to have a a big puerto rican population but most of the buildings were burned out. That's funny because the NYC Marathon goes through the neighborhood and it's become and a booming yuppie community. But I digress. I'm there and I'm waiting for someone or rather waiting to see someone. There's a bunch of people getting together and I finally see her. Her face is more puffy than I remember but overall she looks good. I touch the back of her shoulder and she turns around and looks at me strange. Millie Rolon? I asked. "Hi, I'm Epi" Again she looks at me strange. " Epi your grandson". Then I wake up. I recall being very happy that I saw her. I also remember being happy about the fact that I was finally going to be able to tell her thank you for everything she has done for me. My grandmother took care of my brother and I off and on from the time we were babies until about age 7 before we went to the orphanage. Last time I saw her was about age 7. Since both my parents have past I'm guessing she has passed also. As any young child is I was a handful. Since I didn't get to say it in my dreams; "Thank you Grandma, I love you"

Jan 4 2007

I found the pic above while I was searching for a pic to post with todays posting. I was really intrigue with it and I also checked out the web site which was nice. Wicca to me introduced me to a new way of thinking. The Wiccan creed "Do what ye may and harm none" has become my golden rule which I've lived by since I've discovered it. The more I learn about Wicca the more I'm amazed at how it was treated poorly and made a scapegoat as a religion of evil. nothing could be further from the truth.That's all I will say because I don't want to get carried away.

After much discussion my daughter Nicole decided to go back to the mainstream program at our local school. I would rather have kept her home but I support her decision. I am proud of her and I am proud of my wife. I'm proud of my daughter for having the courage to go back so quickly and I'm proud of my wife because she went ahead and initiated everything on her own. To understand my pride you need to understand that I am a very take charge guy. Our marriage was suffering awhile back and one of the reasons was because everyone got so used to me taking charge they let it happen and of course I got burned out and felt neglected. Fortunately we worked it out and learn the key was to communicate better. I'm still a take charge person but I realized I can't fix everything and need and want help. My wife is allot smarter and stronger than she gives herself credit for. This time she proved it to herself and I'm very proud. Back to my daughter; when my wife went to register her we discovered that the senior staff member from the old program had recommended to the principle that they not accept my daughter. I had to remind myself that we are one and love is unconditional.






I got an e-mail from my sister Clare today. She moved to Oregon awhile back and I just discovered she's pregnant and due this Feb. I know, I know, we don't communicate as much as we should but that's OK. I think we both had a great deal of things we had to work through in the past two years so we do what we can. Anyway she's really excited and she's going to have a baby with a mid-wife which I think is pretty cool. Clare's always been down to earth and is very much an activist, naturalist and a great people person. I tried to give her some advice, from the experienced parent, without being pushy. I hope I was successful.

The Day After

It's funny the difference a day makes.... We took my daughter out of the program she was in. It felt like a huge weight being lifted off our shoulders. I don't know who was happier my wife , my daughter or myself. We're talking amongst ourselves to see what options we're going to pursue. But for now she's out and we're very happy and we're enjoying the time with each other on this unseasonably warm PA day.

On the job front I had my second phone interview today and it went really well. I'm thinking they're gonna call me back to schedule a person to person interview so I'm pretty excited. And yes the job is in Arizona. This thinking positive thing does work. But I'm also learning that it's very challenging to keep it going. I guess that's part of the secret.

Blessings

Good Morning Sunshine

Good Morning... My daughter Nicole (Middle Child) went out this morning and took some pictures of this morning sun rise. I thought they were really beautiful and decided to post one.

Blessings

INTENSE!!!!!!

It's been a really intense day... I'm feeling totally drained because my emotions have been at some extreme points, anger, disappointment, sadness, etc, none of the good ones unfortunately. I'm much better now just feeling tired and kind of recouping my body and strength. Let me start.

The day started off decent enough; the Realtor came over and dropped off the contract that my wife and I need to sign before they can start showing the house. I was nervous and cautious becuase I've never sold a house before and I'm pretty ignorant of the process. The woman was nice and my wife feels comfortable with her. She's and older woman and I have to say that I feel a comfort also.



Keeping in line with my new attitude I started to aggressively pursue employment opportunities in AZ. One of them which I was waiting on I had communicated with on several occasions before. I never received a negative response so my hopes stayed up and I didn't want to push the issue. Well today I pushed the issue, but I did it in a nice way. Come to find out that they made their decision awhile ago and never notified me. The company pointed the finger at the HR department even though I had made several inquires with management also. I got pretty upset because I had high hopes. I think I mostly became upset with myself because I went against who I am and what I do. In the process I made my family go through hardship that they didn't need to go through. It's a lesson learned but trust me a very tough lesson. I'll never go back to being the person I was but I know from now on my gut is what will choose my path. On the good side I do have a dialog with another company in AZ and I have a second phone interview tomorrow. I barely meet the qualifications but I know I can do the job. I'll let you know.



You know how they say when it rains it pours? As I've posted before my middle daughter has emotional issue's and we've been fighting with the staff in the program she's in because they say she's schiziod. They do not like me because I've been adamant that they do not have any evidence to support them and they're not following proper protocol. Our meetings have been tense but cordial. My daughter came home today and fell apart. Apparently the two senior staff members met with her today and threatened her with sending her to some sort of reform school if she didn't let them help her. They told her that her mom and dad couldn't even get her out or help her. They also asked her if my wife and I touched her in any sexual way. Apparently they didn't think it was right when the gang watched TV with us one night in our room on our bed. I could go on with more but I won't. As you could guess my emotions peaked again and along with the anger came the fear. It's one thing when they wrong about a diagnosis and another when they threaten to take your child away. I'm pulling her from the program tomorrow and will start home schooling her. Initially I was going to pursue legal action also but I've calmed down (but I'm keeping that option open)



So that was my day....OOOOOFFF! It was funny, at the time I was sooo angry, my first thought was " you have to get rid of the anger and think positive". Man have I changed. I think 6 months ago I would have been at the persons door knocking it down.

Blessings