People are People

I'm really enjoying this new toy I discovered!!! Putting music on my blog I'm like totally loving it. Forgive me but I'm speaking 80's speak. One of my big anthem songs when I was in my youth was "people are people" by depeche mode. We were still in the cold war, Ronald Reagan was prez, and I was always pushing to stop the hate. It was funny because even though I was very anti-war, anti-hate and pro love and understanding, I was militant in my views. I was trying to stop hate and anger with more anger.. OK enough philosophy. For your enjoyment, and mine, people are people.

Blessings

Depeche Mode - Pe...

Free

I GOT TUNES YEA!!!!!!

Robert Miles - Fre...

Flipping!!!

My wife and I have spoken and we're gonna try something new. We're gonna try to flip a house!! Now we're not gonna do this right away. We'll do some research and make sure we're prepared before we take the plunge. I've already have done some research and the more I learn the more I'm convinced we can do this.


I like this because I think it really works well for us. For beginners my wife and I will be working together and to me that is GREAT! We're a good team and compliment each other well. She's not afraid to get dirty and she's always willing to learn. Also I like home improvement and have been doing it for a long time. I used to have all sorts of cool tools! We also finished our basement, redid our kitchen and put a new hardwood floor in. OOOOF!

So that's the scoop! That's what we're gonna do! I'll keep ya posted.



Blessings

Volunteering

I think I'm starting t come full circle. I've been contemplating volunteering for some time and I think this time I'm going to actually do it. I don't just want to volunteer just for the sake of doing it. What I want to volunteer for I think has scared me for some time but somehow I knew I would eventually end up doing it. I'm volunteering for a children's organization to help abused and neglected and abandoned children. My fear comes from the fact that this is the type of childhood I had.



It's funny, many times throughout my life people would say to me that working with neglected children would be a good thing for me. That given my childhood I would be very qualified to help others. I would give them the most sarcastic face and say "Yea right! That is the last thing I would ever want to do and the last place I would ever want to be!" I wanted to pursue my career, start my family and get as far away from anything like that as I could. Well I've done that. I have a good job and a very wonderful and loving family. One which I am truly grateful for.


I have to complete the application and send it in, which I will probably get done within the next day. It's strange because even though I am nervous, I feel like this is something I want to do.
I don't know if any of you ever felt like this but I've always had this feeling like there's something else I need to do, something that's missing. Maybe going back is part of satisfying that feeling.

Blessings

Freedom

Below are the lyrics to the song "Freedom" By Robert Miles. The music touched me and the lyrics even more so. I have had this song for several years and now as I reread the lyrics again I find a deeper meaning that I never saw before... I don't know if you've ever heard of Robert Miles but he had a break out hit in the mid 90's called "Children". If you can get either of these songs, please take a couple of minutes to listen to them. Blessings






All my life I have searched for clues
This is what they taught me
Every mystery I pursued
Was a secret I already knew
Deep down you know - in your soul
Love is in control
Oh, if you could find the angel within
Time, time to have faith in your wings
Free - everybody's free
In the new day that's coming
Freedom for all is our destiny
Every stone that I left unturned
Soon came back to haunt me
Every fall, every finger burned
Was a step on the road to truth
That I am you - my soul
You are not alone
Oh, when your heart is turned to stone
Love, love is the only way home
Free - everyone's free
In the new day that's coming
Freedom for all is our destiny
Free - everything's free
In the new day that's coming
Freedom for all is our destiny
Freedom from shame
Freedmo from fear
Freedom to live - it's your right to be here
(Voiceover)
Unity of minds... unity of hearts... one sole sensation... no longer a
coincidence...
Overwhelming energy... channelled... tthrough universal language allows
the personal legend to unfold

Settling In

It's March 25th and I'm coming up on my 2 month anniversary on moving to Arizona. The family and I are slowly settling in and starting to gain a certain comfort in our new home that I think we all need. That comfort and feeling of home is something I think we all take for granted.

One way I know that I'm starting to feel more comfortable is that I have started running consistently again. I've worked myself up to 5 mile runs and will start increasing after about another week or 2. Adjusting has taken a toll on me. I've been eating terrible and my weight has ballooned to 190 lbs. I'm usually around 175 to 180 and my goal is to get to 165. My wife and my middle child also have made new goals to refocus themselves and get into healthier patterns. In other words, we all need to lose weight.



I spoke with my son the other day and he seemed distracted. He has been working on an art project which he really doesn't like and has been procrastinating on. I've tried not to hound him but made it clear that this was a commitment he had to keep. So far he has been doing well and really impressing me with his work. I never knew the extent of his talent and wonder if he realizes it. Anyway getting back to him being distracted; I asked him what was wrong and he answered me like he always does, " I don't know". I kept up and said that I noticed something is bothering him I asked if it was the art assignment and he said no. He told me he was worried about what he was going to become int the future. I thought to myself, he's only 15, why is he worrying about this?? At the same time I realized I had done the same when I was his age.


I told him not to worry and to take his time. "Enjoy what is around you now. You don't have to make up your mind within a given time. Some people take their whole lives before they know what they want. I'm 41 years old and I'm still discovering what I want. That doesn't mean you can't try things out. but please try not to worry" He looked at me and gave me a half smile as if he wanted to believe what I was saying. I feel for him but I can't make him change how he feels. Hopefully he can learn from me and move forward.

Anyway like I said, we're starting to settle in


Blessings

Love you Better

I haven't posted in the last couple of days because I've been struggling with something that happened recently. It didn't happen to me or my family it happened to friends of me and my wife. The event left me feeling numb and looking for answers.

Our friends were a married couple that had divorced and it wasn't pretty. They have children that they shared custody on. Recently it was discovered that the father was sexually molesting his daughter and now he's in jail. I was a victim of the same thing when I was a child and I think it has some bearing on me struggling with this. I have said a prayer for the daughter and the family including the father. I don't know what to feel and I guess it is confusing me.

When my wife and I started to go out with each other we played these little luv games that young couples usually do. We made up pet names for each other and little sayings that we would often repeat. As silly as they were we would say not caring who was there to say it. One of the things we would say would go like this... I would say "I love you" and she would say "I love you more". being the Virgo that I was this would frustrate me because I would complain how could anyone love anyone more, you either love someone or you don't. My wife, knowing this frustrated me, would say "I don't care, I love you more" and we would go on.

We continue to do this to this day. Our kids are used to it and have even started joining in and playing along. My youngest daughter decided to join the fun and create her own saying. Now anytime I say "I love you" she counters with "I love you better". I say to her, " that doesn't make sense, you can't love someone better" She says " I don't care, I love you better"

I do not think I will ever fully comprehend what happened with my friend and his family. All I can do right now is pray for them and appreciate the relationship and love I have with my family. The love of a little angel saying to me
"I love you Better"


Blessings

Men Crying

I'm a man and I cry. Why does it feel so strange to say that? I feel like I'm at an AA meeting or something. I'm saying this because I just experienced a situation where my sinuses started to act up. That's the code phrase I have with my family when I weep.


In business I always heard one rule told to women that they should never break, "No matter what happens, don't let them see you cry". If that's the unbreakable rule for women then men are in real deep doo doo!!!! I have heard of many studies where they say that men hold things in and hence experience more stress. Well if your not allowed to release your stress naturally that what is one to do?



To be totally honest, I like to cry. I feel such an immense sense of relief that I have never felt before. There are several things that make me cry; dealing with a difficult situation, my pride in my family or loved ones, Beautiful music. I will never admit to sad movies......



So please, regardless if your a man or woman, if the feeling surges and you want to shed a tear than do it. You'll feel so much better afterwards. I hope the tears will ones of joy but regardless you will feel better after.

One more reason why my crying doesn't bother me much...... My wife thinks it's sexy!!!!



Blessings

News for the week March 15

Have things to say today but no real theme so I figured I would just put my thoughts down.

I've been feeling tired these last couple of days, including today. It's strange because I go to sleep early and I don't really sleep late. I don't use an alarm clock because I always wake up when I'm supposed to. Doesn't matter if it's 6 AM 5 or 4. I've never slept beyond 6 so. Initially I thought it was because of the excitement with the car being repoed but that only really lasted a day (the excitement that is)



Good news on the car front. My wife's sister has offered to help us. I'm very grateful that she is offering to help. We're trying to work everything out as to how we'll be able to swing it. More so than helping us financially, her sister has taught me a lesson. So I'm more grateful for the lesson she's taught me that she doesn't even realize. (did that make sense)



My youngest has taken off on her own and wants to do some more spiritual exploration. I'm really excited for and I'm trying to keep a close eye without interfering. She's really attracted to Wicca and has really gone on her own finding books trying to talk to people etc... I'm learning to not throw my kids into situations that I think would be best for them. I just need to listen to them and point them in the right direction according to their desires.



Blessings and light

A Unity Prayer

Pray for Others

I pray for loved ones, envisioning them whole and well, happy and fulfilled.

Dear one, you are in my thoughts and in my prayers throughout this day.

As you go about your day, know that I am affirming that the light of God is shining on your path and that you are moving forward to fulfill your dreams. The love of God is enfolding you wherever you are, wherever you go as a presence of constant caring.

My prayer for you is that you recognize and accept all the blessings God has for you and that you find joy in sharing your blessings with others.

Dear one, I am praying for you today and every day. I envision you whole and well, able to accomplish all that you desire and even more.

Every day I give thanks that you are a part of my life.

Got Repo !?!

I continue to run across situations in which I am challenged to stay the course. Last night at about 9:00 PM there was a knock at my door. It was a tow truck driver coming to reposes our car. Since I was unemployed for so long there were certain things I couldn't pay. We made the decision accepted it and let it go until we were on our feet again. I guess we fell short. The man was actually pretty nice I didn't give him a hard time. It was my fault and he had a job to do. We spoke a little I drove the car to a parking lot for him and that was it. All the while I was trying to focus on staying positive and letting go of the anxiety. It didn't work too well. I slept terribly, struggling with myself and my negative emotions. It's difficult to describe the feeling, a feeling of failure, emptiness, loneliness and embarrassment. I kept telling myself, it's just a car and you did everything I could to keep everything together but it was a struggle. Hence my long night. I worried immensely about my wife. I didn't want her to worry and we both had to go to work the next day. We decided we both would bike to work.



I was able to get myself straighten out today and get on a more positive path. I spoke with the creditor which is never a positive experience. But I was ready to make it as easy as possible. The news wasn't good but again I stayed focus and kept my chin up, My poor wife got two flats on the way home and ended up walking. 5.5 miles!! Mind you my wife does not exercise, we just started walking 2.5 miles together so she could build up and get into shape. I love her so much!

My kids were a little scared. I think they also were worried about me and my wife. We reassured everything was OK and that we loved them. I think after they saw we weren't falling apart they felt better. I love them so much too.

I'm feeling better now and I'm actually happy. I am so fortunate to have what I have. I also have to remember the law of attraction. The loss of the car hurts and we'll have to figure something out. And I'll probably have a couple of more short episodes of fighting anxiety. But I know I'm blessed and lucky to have my family,my friends and to be able to share myself and my thoughts.



Blessings

Signs

I just had a session with a spiritual counselor. I am very grateful to her because she allowed me to gain extra insight into myself. It's funny how we feel things but dismiss them only to have it come up again. I think we all experience signs or signals in our lifetime but because we're not ready or willing we ignore them. In my situation I think it was a combination of fear and lack of confidence. I also think it was a little of my ego mind too.



My situation with my current job has really been troubling me. I know now that it has more than I have let on or have been willing to admit to myself. I finally have to admit that I no longer have the fervor for the work I once had. For me there's a certain sadness that comes with that. In speaking with my counselor I realized that what I love is being with people and showing them things. Generally this is called teaching but I don't like using that term because I learn with them. The part I like best about my job and the part I always liked best was helping people and showing them how computers can help them. Helping them learn how a system can help their lives become easier. My current position, I now realize, has more to do with meeting deadlines and automating systems to become more competitive. It's about meeting agendas and making people look good. I'm not putting that down as being bad, at one time I was very good at that, and was happy with it. I just know now that this is not what I want to do.

Now don't feel bad for me; I am very very grateful that I have a job and that I am being very productive at it. This isn't about whoa is me I don't like my job. I know more about who I am and what I love so everything else is simple. I don't plan on leaving my job anytime soon. But I am starting to make plans on changing my career. Funny thing is, the signs have been there for a long time for me. I wasn't ready then and it's OK because I'm thinking
I'm ready now.



Blessings

Looking for Approval

I want to make one more post about work (at least for now). I've been at my new job for a little over a month now and even though I am starting to settle in I continue to feel like I haven't found my place yet. There isn't a comfort yet. Part of this, actually a large part, is my relationship with my boss. Actually I really like the man, he reminds me allot of me. He's no nonsense and straight to the point. But I also notice he has allot of my old habits, traits. Even though I have always been fiercely independent and always question authority I always had that part of me looking for approval. Whether it be a friend, relative,lover, or boss.



I find myself in a similar situation now. I sold myself to him as a man that can get the job done. I still think I can do that, I just can't do that the way I used to and that has proved to be an interesting challenge to me. I'm no longer the no holds bar get the job person I once was. I refuse to get to the goal regardless of the damage caused. I think this is the type of person he was looking for and he's discovering that it's not the person he got. Part of me feels like I let him down and it bothers me. Because I'm trying new things my confidence isn't what it normally is and again it is disconcerting. I am very used to jumping in and getting things done. Regardless I'm not going to change my new way of working.


I think it is interesting that I have learned so much spiritually but putting it to use in this world is soooooo difficult. I sometimes wonder if they are meant to work together or if they are to always be so opposed to each other. I guess that is the challenge of being a part of this world.



I hope that I find success in my new methods. I also hope that not only I will learn from it but that my boss learns from it also.

Lesson from terrible day

It's been a pretty intense week at work. There was one day where nothing went well. In Fact, everything went against me!! Talk about being tested!!!! I was sooooo drained at the end of the day and feeling very down. I tell ya a little bit of my fun and my observations.

It was a busy day, one of those days where you feel like you're running around allot but not really getting anything done. We were having a teleconference with the OR Nusring Staff. I'm on an IT team responsible for implementing a new OR system at our hospital. It hasn't been going well. Emotions have been very high and people are letting their personal feelings impact their decisions. near the end of the conference, a nurse, I have become friends with starts to speak. She is extremely upset and is making it known. She tries to corner my supervisor with issue's but it doesn't work and makes the nurse more upset. Finally the nurse says WE have issues that IS knows about and not doing anything to help. When my supervisor ask for examples, I get handed on a platter. I told Epi this and I told Epi that and he hasn't done anything!!!! She's yelling and speaking half truths. during most of that ordeal I was apologizing and informing everyone I would follow up.




after it was over I felt like I was going to blow up. Someone I trusted had betrayed me also most of those issue's that my name was attached to were someone else's issue in my department. But Since I was up front I had to take the hit. It bothered me greatly because I had spoken to this other individual informing him that we needed to do this and if he needed help I would offer assistance. He basically ignored me and made me feel like I didn't know what I was talking about. On top of that my boss probably thinks I'm a poor performer. I wanted to go and take care of those people that betrayed me in a not so nice way. I was seeing red. but I kept my composure and delt with the rest of the day (which went downhill (law of attraction))

I got home spoke with my darling wife who did everything she could to make me relax and feel comfortable. My lovely kids also tried to make the rest of my day better. I love them all greatly. At the end of the day I sat and thought about how I should deal with what had happened. I am not one to let a situation lay or ignore any matter. That just isn't in me.

The next day came and I went looking for my cocky co worker. He was out so I spoke to his manager. I never spoke ill of the person and I stayed with the facts when I explained my situation and dissatisfaction. I also offered to sit with my coworker to start a new page. I found the nurse that is my friend and apologized to her that she felt I hadn't met her needs and offered to help her. I also spoke to my supervisor to make him aware of what I had done. I was very happy with myself and how I handled the situation. A year ago I would have blown my stack and would have made it my mission to clear my name and get them back. Even though I still feel hurt, I understand why these people did what they did. I do not agree with it but I know it's not personal and that we need to continue to work with each other.

I am happy because I learned a lesson that has taken me most of my life to learn (I'm in my 40's). Before this would have affected my work and my home life and now I'm able to deal with it and let it go and smile again. People are so defined by their work now a days that it's hard to let go. I hope that hopefully someone who reads this doesn't have to wait till their 40's to learn it.

Blessings

New Heaven New Earth

Back in the early 90's,when I got my first computer, I got my modem and hooked up to AOL. Back then the internet was in it's infancy and only for the collegiate and scientific community. It was a glorious discovery in many ways. In an instant I had access and made connections with different resources and groups. It was truly a rebirth for me.

One of my discoveries was David Sunfellow and New Heaven New Earth. He had a shared group in AOL about New Age and the like. This was my first introduction into alternative thinking besides traditional religions. At the time David felt, as I did, and many others, that we were headed for great change. Hence the name New Heaven New Earth. At the time we listened to Gordon Michaal Scallion, Linda Toye and many others that were predicting terrible earth changes. I myself thought it was going to happen around the mid 90's. Fortunately that didn't happen. but what did happen was I changed. I went from being an atheist thinking individual to having faith and hope again. I started searching again for something but at the time I didn't know what.

The day of reckoning past and David has kept his group going and got his own web page when the internet went main stream. I know he has struggled from time to time because of finances. To this day he maintains the site offering information that's earth friendly and soul friendly

NHNE has help start my search and that search has led me to the person I am today. I didn't know it but what I was searching for was my own spirituality and purpose. I was always be indebted to David for helping me and starting me on my path. Since he's in Sedona, I hope to meet him personally one day and thank him face to face.

Please visit his site if you get the chance http://www.nhne.org/

Blessings

Indigo Children

I love my kids and I often encourage them to be adventurous and to seek things on their own and to always ask questions. I have favorite saying of mine when I was a teenager is "Question Authority" Of course I always regret it when my kids use that philosophy on me.




Anyway, my kids read my blog from time to time and sometimes I forget that. Nicole, my middle one, just read the Sedona Posting and is really curious about what an Indigo Child is. She also heard the regressionist refer to her as one and I know she wants to learn more about it.



My quandary is this; I want her to learn about Indigo Children but I also want her to keep herself grounded. This where, as a parent, you talk to yourself trying to decide if what you're doing is right or not. Should I filter the information and feed it to her slowly or should I let her go and let her go full blast. Right nor I'm thinking of doing the latter. If for no other reason than I would not like someone holding back on me.

I'll let ya know how it goes.


Blessings

Searching in Sedona

Well...yesterday was the day of our great Sedona adventure and what a day it was. We spent all day there and probably would have stayed longer if we didn't have to come back. We all agreed that next time we should stay the night, actually we're thinking camping. We were all thinking how beautiful the night sky would be.



Anyway let me get things started. I went with my middle child for her regression session. It didn't turn out the way I expected but it was very positive and draining. The person who we had the session with was very kind and knowledgeable but I think my daughter made her nervous. She's got this look to her that says "kiss my butt" and I don't think she realizes when she's expressing it. They tell me I have the same look. The session started of slowly and then the emotions hit. Like I said, it was intense, but I think very productive. Both my daughter and I were very tired when it was done. The woman said my daughter was an Indigo Child and that she displayed many of the characteristics of that spirit. She was very kind and patient and I am very grateful.



After the session we had to wait for an hour before my wife had her reading. This is when I discovered Sedona is a big tourist town. We walked for awhile and then we found the cheapest place to eat where we had our 10 dollar hamburgers. Enough to make a hard core meat eater go vegetarian except those dishes were 15 dollars. Anyway enough moaning about the prices. My wife went for her session and the kids and I went and visited all the local stores. There was this one really neat store "Crystal Caverns" that we all really enjoyed. My youngest found Wiccan books that she was excited about. My middle found some great crystals and my oldest found some great paintings. I just got a great kick from it all. My youngest had also told me she saw a couple of spirits. The cool part was she's no longer fearing them like she once was but that's another post.



After my wife finished her session we spoke a little but not enough because we were on our way to our next endeavor. We were talking about the vortexes and we decided to go to Bell Rock. partially because it hit all the aspects of the vortexes (male, female, and balance) and partly because it was so beautiful. We parked along the side of the road and went off on our trek. There were allot of people there and the were climbing all over. We started to climb and it was fun until we got to a certain height. That's when I got hit with an intense fear. I must have fallen off a cliff in a past life because it was pretty intense. My middle one was afraid also. My wife and the other two were like mountain goats, laughing and jumping all over. Fortunately for me this is when I used my dad power and stated we're all going lower. I felt bad for Pam and the kids but they were scaring me also. Especially my youngest who has no fear, always walking to the edge of everything. AS I look back I laugh now but I was genuinely scared. Anyway we went a little less than half way down the rock and walk about a third around.

Sedona is beautiful!!!!!! So much so that I do not think words can describe it. I have read many things about Sedona and I haven't discovered the words yet that can describe the feelings of the beauty. We are definitely planning on going back as many times as we can.


Blessings

Dreams: I must luv school cause I'm back

OK, latest dream. This one was an easy one but I don't have much to write about this morning so I'm posting it. I'm in school and I must be a school staff, teacher, coach or something because I'm in the administrative offices. There's a change going on which I am part of. I'm in the middle of switching roles or departments. The boss I am leaving is coach Bobby Knight; The boss I am joining is Coach Bill Cowher. For those of you who don't know these two Coach knight is a winning coach who is known for getting things done but in the process he has alienated a great deal of folks, pretty mean guy. Coach Cowher is the retired Pittsburgh Steelers coach who took them to the superbowl. In terms of temperament he is the opposite of Coach Knight. He's professional but also motivates his team in, what I consider, a more productive and positive manner. SO anyway I'm in the process of going from Coach Knight to Coach Cowher and even though I'm excited about joining coach Cowher, I have fears about leaving Coach Knight, even though I really don't like Coach Knight. That's my dream.

Now let me tell ya what's happening n my life that I think brought about this dream. My boss is considering promoting me. In fact I think he's going to make me the offer. I have no doubt I can do the job and I actually think I would like my new role. I'm apprehensive because I know in this new position I will have to step up and dedicate more of myself. I am fearful that my old habits from my old position will come back, I'm also fearful that this will take time away from my family. My wife told me not to worry because the fact that i have the fear proves it will not happen again. Ironically enough Coach Cowher left coaching to spend more time with his family.


Blessings

Crazy with Blog Template s

I have spent the last hour playing with blog templates and having a terrible time. At one point I lost all of my connections to my friends site!! OOOOOFFFF! Who said Blogging was easy. Josh even gave me a template and when I went to upload it, pooofff, a bunch of errors. I guess I wasn't mean to go into the fray of costume templates yet. On top of that I've been procrastinating on some stuff I need to do for work and I'm starting to think that my guides are trying to tell me to concentrate on the work and not the templates, for now anyway.