I haven't posted in the last couple of days because I've been struggling with something that happened recently. It didn't happen to me or my family it happened to friends of me and my wife. The event left me feeling numb and looking for answers.
Our friends were a married couple that had divorced and it wasn't pretty. They have children that they shared custody on. Recently it was discovered that the father was sexually molesting his daughter and now he's in jail. I was a victim of the same thing when I was a child and I think it has some bearing on me struggling with this. I have said a prayer for the daughter and the family including the father. I don't know what to feel and I guess it is confusing me.
When my wife and I started to go out with each other we played these little luv games that young couples usually do. We made up pet names for each other and little sayings that we would often repeat. As silly as they were we would say not caring who was there to say it. One of the things we would say would go like this... I would say "I love you" and she would say "I love you more". being the Virgo that I was this would frustrate me because I would complain how could anyone love anyone more, you either love someone or you don't. My wife, knowing this frustrated me, would say "I don't care, I love you more" and we would go on.
We continue to do this to this day. Our kids are used to it and have even started joining in and playing along. My youngest daughter decided to join the fun and create her own saying. Now anytime I say "I love you" she counters with "I love you better". I say to her, " that doesn't make sense, you can't love someone better" She says " I don't care, I love you better"
I do not think I will ever fully comprehend what happened with my friend and his family. All I can do right now is pray for them and appreciate the relationship and love I have with my family. The love of a little angel saying to me
"I love you Better"
Blessings
2 comments:
Sexual abuse is such a painful legacy so many people carry with them. I suspect the father had also been abused. While you are feeling empathy for the daughter, also give yourself credit for making a conscious effort to not continue the behavior within your own family.
Not only is it wonderful that you are surrounded by warmth and love from your family, but that you have people in your life who strive to expand their heart and love you even more than they can possibly imagine.
Thanks for giving me the link to your blog. I'll be checking in on you from time to time. :)
Well put Wenddy! :o)
Also a survivor I have very intense feelings that come up when I hear of a child going through the shame and trauma I did. My father was not the abuser but another male in the family.
Love heals us in the end when we move forward and when the need comes we can help heal others through our compassion and understanding.
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